Unveiling the Truth about Women’s Sexuality: A Review of “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski

In “Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life,” Emily Nagoski illuminates the intricacies of women’s sexuality with warmth, scientific acumen, and an unmistakably feminist lens. Written with the intent of demystifying women’s sexual well-being, Nagoski’s pivotal work stands as an empowering guide for women navigating through their sexual selves at any stage of life.

The author begins by debunking widespread myths about female sexuality, establishing that there’s no ‘normal’ when it comes to sexual response and desire. Nagoski introduces the concept of “non-concordance,” explaining that mind and genitals often disagree, and it’s entirely usual and healthy. It’s these groundbreaking insights, coupled with her engaging writing style, that makes the book a transformative read.

“Come as You Are” breaks new ground by introducing readers to the “dual control model” of sexual response, which comprises the sexual excitation system (SES) and the sexual inhibition system (SIS). This model lays the foundation for understanding the variability in women’s sexual desires, providing invaluable insights for those looking to enhance their sexual experiences and relationships.

What sets Nagoski’s work apart is its incorporation of robust scientific research with actionable advice for readers. Each chapter is meticulously designed to educate, enlighten, and empower, allowing women to understand and embrace their sexuality irrespective of societal expectations and standards. The author’s compassionate and non-judgmental approach facilitates a safe space for readers to reflect and explore their sexual identity and desires.

Beyond the science, “Come as You Are” is an anthem of self-acceptance and self-love. Nagoski urges women to celebrate their sexuality without shame or guilt, promoting a positive and holistic view of sexual health and well-being. The book is not merely a guide; it’s a companion that supports women in recognizing that they are already sexually whole and adequate.

In terms of structure, the book is reader-friendly, with each section thoughtfully organized and presented. Nagoski supplements the text with illustrative examples, personal anecdotes, and exercises that invite readers to engage actively with the content. These elements work together seamlessly to create a narrative that is as entertaining as it is enlightening.

However, it’s crucial to acknowledge that while “Come as You Are” is incredibly inclusive, some readers might feel that it doesn’t fully encapsulate the vast spectrum of female sexual experiences and identities. Nevertheless, Nagoski’s endeavor to create a book that speaks to all women is evident and commendable.


“Come as You Are” is a revolutionary text that combines humor, empathy, science, and self-help to offer a comprehensive exploration of women’s sexuality. Emily Nagoski succeeds in crafting a book that is as informative as it is liberating, making it a must-read for women and those seeking to understand the complexities of female sexual desire and response better. Whether you are looking to enhance your sex life or simply understand your body better, Nagoski’s expert guidance, supported by cutting-edge research, provides the tools and confidence to achieve a fulfilling and pleasurable sexual life.

You may also enjoy our review of Embarking on a Journey of Sexual Discovery: A Review of “Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure” by Sheri Winston HERE.

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